I absolutely LOVE going to the pool with my family during the summer! We usually don’t start until school is out in June because it’s too much of a hassle to wash everyone’s hair every other day during the school year (I have two girls, plus me equals 3 heads to wash. Whew!) So every year on the last day of school, we head to the pool! Well this year we went to Orlando during spring break, which we did last year also. This time we stayed at a really nice all-suite hotel, and I even scheduled an extra day in our trip just for relaxing by the pool. A few years ago, when I first began gaining weight, I purchased some swim shorts and a halter top for swimming. It just seemed easy for me, and I was comfortable. So I stuck with it. Well this year I decided that I wanted a regular swim suit again. I was so excited to go to Torrid and purchase a swim top and high-waisted swim bottoms! I felt so sexy and ready to show off my new swim suit! Then the day came.
With some denim capris and a colorful top covering my swim suit, I entered the pool area at my hotel. I immediately felt like I was looking through a tunnel, and everyone was looking directly at me. I got my kids all ready and they entered the pool. My husband is looking at me like “are you ready to get in?” Still, my mind could only see this vision of everyone looking at me with their noses turnt up and mumbling. I couldn’t take it, so I shot to a nearby bathroom. I’m a woman who doesn’t show much emotion, but I cried. I can’t believe I’m crying right now just remembering all of this! I had never really felt like I lacked confidence. And I’ve never been upset or intimidated by others because of my size. But I broke down y’all.
I stood there looking at myself in the mirror and after a few seconds I began telling myself that it’s alright. That it’s all in my head and that I’m beautiful. I told myself that I had to pull it together and stop trippin! I dried my eyes and I walked back out to the pool, my confidence restored.
I tell this story because I always see full figured women strong with confidence, and I’ve gotten so much inspiration from plus size style bloggers over the years. But on the real, I’m sure that we all have moments when we are challenged to prove to ourselves that we are confident in who we are, and how we look. I was shocked that this happened. I love the skin I’m in- every curve. After getting through that minor panic attack, I looked around and realized that there were all different shapes of women and men right there having a good time at the pool. And they were having too much fun to pay any attention to me!
The thing that I took from the situation is that I have to control my thoughts. In that moment I allowed fear to creep into my mind, and literally play tricks on me! I hope that when you are in situations where your confidence is being challenged that you won’t need to run to the bathroom to pull yourself together. But if you need that moment, go ahead and take it. Briefly. Then breath, stand a little taller, hold your head a little higher, and remind yourself that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!